Going Within

“From a small seed a mighty trunk may grow.” – Aeschylus

Greetings to all, and I hope the last two months of summer were wonderful for everyone.

Wow, it has been quite a while since I sat down and wrote. What happened to me? I was simply living life. My sons and I took a trip to New Mexico and Colorado. We spent time with close friends, and time together with just the three of us. We watched for bears, hiked, visited places we loved and explored new ones. I worked my nonprofit-social work job and within that created two day-long presentations, brought a few projects from my mind into reality, all the while feeling blessed that within my work there is so much room for expression and creativity. 

We got the school year started, and last week at work I facilitated a retreat for a group of non-profit executive directors at a state park called Quartz Mountain. In preparing for those three days, I took of my usual professional hat, creating room to develop a presentation that enabled us to explore neuroplasticity; have fun, new experiences and bring what we learned personally to our jobs.
 
But I wasn't writing and it bothered me. I felt unusually silent. Yet, within my silence I was aware of a deep, inner stillness. I felt peace. I felt a quiet joy.
 
There is usually a reason when we feel we need to be quiet and go within. Often there is a seed - an idea, wisdom, or understanding- that is taking root.

I feel myself emerging from my quiet space, and am going to trust that from a small seed a mighty trunk may grow. As autumn approaches, stirring the mystical inside of me,  I am awaiting epiphanies.
 
Wishing Epiphanies for Us All,
 
Sheryl

Changing Seasons

“To everything there is a season.”  So says Ecclesiastes, but I always hear Pete Seeger’s lyrics that became an international hit when sung by the Byrds in 1965, “To everything turn, turn, turn….”

We all have our own seasons. Yet, so often we are not able to honor them. Real life--our jobs, responsibilities and obligations—can dictate our lives for us. Still, we know when our internal seasons are changing; we feel it in every cell of our beings, and if we are not consciously aware, our lives and bodies show us.

A year ago I began to experience a shift in my own internal seasons and was not able to honor them, which was not good for me. After a year of trying to create an opportunity to rectify that (and the long journey it was to get it approved), I have begun my own attempt at honoring my seasons; a two month break. I am calling it a sabbatical of my own making; I have had my season of planting for 25 years, and now it is time to reap. “There is a season, turn, turn, turn…”

            I have goals for this time away from my job: enjoy more relaxed time with my kids, work on projects, write, and just “be” at a slower pace than is my normal life. But I realized Monday that letting go and slowing down is going to be a process; a downshifting. I spent two days completing and finalizing my workbook (a Timeless Waters companion of sorts, helping us better understand the various levels through which we create our own realities). I’ve cleaned out drawers, cleaned carpet, and organized my creative work space. Slowing down yes, but still moving at 90 miles an hour!

            But what I want most out of this time is clarity. I seek the mental space to consider where I have been, what I have accomplished and what I have valued most in my life and endeavors over the past 25 years. What metaphorical drawers of the way I have been living need to be cleaned out? And if I had the chance to consciously fill the drawers of my life with something new, what would that be?

            This may be quite ambitious; particularly for a woman who has only just begun the process of trying to release the knots of life. I also know the kind of clarity I seek may take far more time than I have off.  But I am determined. Determined to establish a life that allows me to honor my seasons, and determined to consciously create more of what fills my “drawers,” my time, my mind, and my heart.

May we all honor our seasons,

Sheryl

Go.Create.Release.

I had been living in a space of creativity and inspiration, and felt I was in perfect balance. But then the stressors of my “real” job took over, and alas, I found myself derailed. My job is a big job. It’s an important job that ultimately has to do with services to abused and neglected children, so of course I let it take over when it must. But honestly, I don’t want it to be all of me.

When I awoke this morning, I had an agenda; to get back on track. It is a cold day, and the sleet is pattering against the windows. How perfect a day to build a fire, drink mugs of hot lemon water (in attempt to cut down on the Bailey’s and coffee) and curl up on the couch with my laptop, right? Easier said than done! I looked at the projects I had been working on the past few weeks and became overwhelmed at everything I was going to have to do to make them a more perfect product.

I also made the mistake of reading a blog about how long a novel should be. I then did a word count on my own novel, which I am revising and putting in first person, finally ready to fully own the experience that led to its writing. I felt my heart drop into my stomach; Timeless Waters was about 900 words to short for industry standard. I failed. I mean, who would want to read a book that was 69,100 words when it should be at least 70,000?

Then it happened; the downward spiral of self doubt and self questioning .WHAT ON EARTH did I think I was doing? Why did I ever publish that book? I wanted to go hide in my hole.

And then I remembered how much I had felt inspired to work on the projects. Not only that, I had just written about the importance of following “the nudge.” Was I going to walk my talk? So, I made myself that cup of Bailey’s and coffee and pulled out my laptop.

If we wait for our projects to be perfect, for our ideas to be polished, or for someone else’s approval, most of our ideas will never be released into the world. They will sit on a desk or a hard drive, or worse, they will whither away in the back of our minds, never to have a chance to be set free or shared with others. To hell with that—life is too short!

Go - Create - Release. 

Warning! Expect more not-so-perfect things from me, just like this!

Many Blessings,

Sheryl 

Honoring "the nudge"

Hello Kindred Spirits!

First, thanks to all who have responded and signed up for the email list after the technological travesty that resulted in its demise. Perhaps it will rebuild and be better than ever, yes?

It has been an interesting few weeks for me. My “real” job has been quite turbulent, yet at the same time I have been feeling oddly creative. I want nothing more than to hole up with my laptop and let it pour out of me -- Which brings me to what I want to share with you today: honoring “the nudge.”

Last week, a small book idea that came to me last summer as I sat on the beach was front and center in my mind. It is a little book about burnout for executive directors of nonprofits, which I am in my day job. I sat down, and over the course of a week, the  bones of that little book was written, just like that. Imagine me snapping my fingers for full effect! It literally just poured out of me.

Around the same time last week, I started feeling the strong sense that I am supposed to rewrite Timeless Waters in the first person, which it actually was in its first draft. I am asking myself, why on earth would I need to do that? When will I find the time?  But I have felt the nudge, heard the call, felt the pull. Needless to say, I imagine sometime soon I will sit down and try a rewrite….

            The nudge can be an inspirational idea that makes you want to act. It can be a nagging feeling in your gut. It can be a series of roadblocks that keep redirecting you until you finally get it, or it can be a faint whisper on the wind that you might not even realize you heard.

We feel the nudge to do things; call an old friend, take a different route to work, create, start a project, go back to school. Yet, when receiving that gentle push, we often don’t listen. We tell ourselves it is a silly idea or all the reasons we shouldn’t even bother. But what if that nudge you feel, that “crazy” idea, is Spirit’s way of gently guiding you in a direction that will make you happy, enrich your life, or help someone else? 

Spirit communicates, in a multitude of ways. Our one and only job is to listen.

Many Blessings,

Sheryl

Living a conscious life

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”

-   John F. Kennedy

2014 began with a bang. A flurry of professional activity lay in front of me that first week back at work; meetings out of town, funding issues, presentations to prepare for. My work for abused and neglected children is something I love, but as the holidays came to an end, I found myself feeling hesitancy and a little dread. I just wasn’t quite ready to return. It didn’t help that over the month of December I had completed my second draft of a workbook I started writing two years ago about the ways in which we create our realities, or that I spent New Year’s Day with a group of friends meditating, releasing the old and taking steps to create 2014 with intention. Who wouldn’t want to stay in that space forever?

Into reality I dove, head first, and it wasn’t bad. As I said, I really love my work. But as I sat in an out of state meeting the following weekend, something wasn’t right. Was my head going to explode? What was the strange pain I was feeling? Lo and behold, upon my return, I was diagnosed with shingles.

I of course asked myself, “Why are you manifesting this?” Likeminded friends asked, “What is your body trying to tell you?”  Stress is number one, but that’s obvious. So I went deeper, asking questions such as why did this nasty virus that has been dormant for forty one years choose this particular time to make its self visible. Or did I simply need a reason to stay home for a few days without feeling guilty? (By the way, it didn’t work. I felt guilty).

            Regardless of the many ideas I have about the above questions (and I do indeed have some!), I need to gently acknowledge that my roof is broken, which is probably why, when it rains, I get soaking wet. This really should come as no surprise; I have been putting patches on my roof for a while, which I imagine is the case for many of us.

I can beat myself up for letting myself get so run down that the chicken pox I had when I was four have come back to haunt me with a vengeance, but that isn’t productive. Nor can I do anything to change the past. Figuratively speaking, it’s raining right now, so it’s not an ideal time to make any repairs. But I have a month of healing ahead of me, and in that there is time to think about what I will do differently when the sun comes out again.

Here’s to living a conscious life!

Blessings,

Sheryl