Go.Create.Release.

I had been living in a space of creativity and inspiration, and felt I was in perfect balance. But then the stressors of my “real” job took over, and alas, I found myself derailed. My job is a big job. It’s an important job that ultimately has to do with services to abused and neglected children, so of course I let it take over when it must. But honestly, I don’t want it to be all of me.

When I awoke this morning, I had an agenda; to get back on track. It is a cold day, and the sleet is pattering against the windows. How perfect a day to build a fire, drink mugs of hot lemon water (in attempt to cut down on the Bailey’s and coffee) and curl up on the couch with my laptop, right? Easier said than done! I looked at the projects I had been working on the past few weeks and became overwhelmed at everything I was going to have to do to make them a more perfect product.

I also made the mistake of reading a blog about how long a novel should be. I then did a word count on my own novel, which I am revising and putting in first person, finally ready to fully own the experience that led to its writing. I felt my heart drop into my stomach; Timeless Waters was about 900 words to short for industry standard. I failed. I mean, who would want to read a book that was 69,100 words when it should be at least 70,000?

Then it happened; the downward spiral of self doubt and self questioning .WHAT ON EARTH did I think I was doing? Why did I ever publish that book? I wanted to go hide in my hole.

And then I remembered how much I had felt inspired to work on the projects. Not only that, I had just written about the importance of following “the nudge.” Was I going to walk my talk? So, I made myself that cup of Bailey’s and coffee and pulled out my laptop.

If we wait for our projects to be perfect, for our ideas to be polished, or for someone else’s approval, most of our ideas will never be released into the world. They will sit on a desk or a hard drive, or worse, they will whither away in the back of our minds, never to have a chance to be set free or shared with others. To hell with that—life is too short!

Go - Create - Release. 

Warning! Expect more not-so-perfect things from me, just like this!

Many Blessings,

Sheryl 

Living a conscious life

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”

-   John F. Kennedy

2014 began with a bang. A flurry of professional activity lay in front of me that first week back at work; meetings out of town, funding issues, presentations to prepare for. My work for abused and neglected children is something I love, but as the holidays came to an end, I found myself feeling hesitancy and a little dread. I just wasn’t quite ready to return. It didn’t help that over the month of December I had completed my second draft of a workbook I started writing two years ago about the ways in which we create our realities, or that I spent New Year’s Day with a group of friends meditating, releasing the old and taking steps to create 2014 with intention. Who wouldn’t want to stay in that space forever?

Into reality I dove, head first, and it wasn’t bad. As I said, I really love my work. But as I sat in an out of state meeting the following weekend, something wasn’t right. Was my head going to explode? What was the strange pain I was feeling? Lo and behold, upon my return, I was diagnosed with shingles.

I of course asked myself, “Why are you manifesting this?” Likeminded friends asked, “What is your body trying to tell you?”  Stress is number one, but that’s obvious. So I went deeper, asking questions such as why did this nasty virus that has been dormant for forty one years choose this particular time to make its self visible. Or did I simply need a reason to stay home for a few days without feeling guilty? (By the way, it didn’t work. I felt guilty).

            Regardless of the many ideas I have about the above questions (and I do indeed have some!), I need to gently acknowledge that my roof is broken, which is probably why, when it rains, I get soaking wet. This really should come as no surprise; I have been putting patches on my roof for a while, which I imagine is the case for many of us.

I can beat myself up for letting myself get so run down that the chicken pox I had when I was four have come back to haunt me with a vengeance, but that isn’t productive. Nor can I do anything to change the past. Figuratively speaking, it’s raining right now, so it’s not an ideal time to make any repairs. But I have a month of healing ahead of me, and in that there is time to think about what I will do differently when the sun comes out again.

Here’s to living a conscious life!

Blessings,

Sheryl